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May 22nd, 2015

I think it depends what sort of person you are,” said Hewet. He looked at her. She was small and pretty, aged perhaps twenty-eight or twenty-nine, but though dashing and sharply cut, her features expressed nothing very clearly, except a great deal of spirit and good health.

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Well, I was coming to that,” said Evelyn M. She continued to rest her chin on her hands and to look intently ahead of her. “I’m the daughter of a mother and no father, if that interests you,” she said. “It’s not a very nice thing to be. It’s what often happens in the country. She was a farmer’s daughter, and he was rather a swell–the young man up at the great house. He never made things straight–never married her–though he allowed us quite a lot of money. His people wouldn’t let him. Poor father! I can’t help liking him. Mother wasn’t the sort of woman who could keep him straight, anyhow. He was killed in the war. I believe his men worshipped him. They say great big troopers broke down and cried over his body on the battlefield. I wish I’d known him. Mother had all the life crushed out of her. The world–” She clenched her fist. “Oh, people can be horrid to a woman like that!” She turned upon Hewet.

But one has to make up one’s mind,” said Evelyn. “Or are you one of the people who doesn’t believe in marriages and all that? Look here–this isn’t fair, I do all the telling, and you tell nothing. Perhaps you’re the same as your friend”–she looked at him suspiciously; “perhaps you don’t like me?

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May 22nd, 2015

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The voice quickened, and the tone became conclusive rising slightly in pitch, as if these words were at the end of the chapter. Hewet drew back again into the shadow. There was a long silence. He could just hear chairs being moved inside. He had almost decided to go back, when suddenly two figures appeared at the window, not six feet from him.

More people were in love with her than with any one I’ve ever known,” Helen stated. “She had that power–she enjoyed things. She wasn’t beautiful, but–I was thinking of her last night at the dance. She got on with every kind of person, and then she made it all so amazingly–funny.

Hewet drew still farther back. His heart was beating very quickly. Apparently Rachel tried to pull Helen out on to the terrace, and helen resisted. There was a certain amount of scuffling, entreating, resisting, and laughter from both of them. Then a man’s form appeared. Hewet could not hear what they were all saying. In a minute they had gone in; he could hear bolts grating then; there was dead silence, and all the lights went out.

He turned away, still crumpling and uncrumpling a handful of leaves which he had torn from the wall. An exquisite sense of pleasure and relief possessed him; it was all so solid and peaceful after the ball at the hotel, whether he was in love with them or not, and he was not in love with them; no, but it was good that they should be alive.

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May 14th, 2015

My aunt, being uncommonly neat and ingenious, made so many little improvements in our domestic arrangements, that I seemed to be richer instead of poorer. Among the rest, she converted the pantry into a dressing-room for me; and purchased and embellished a bedstead for my occupation, which looked as like a bookcase in the daytime as a bedstead could. I was the object of her constant solicitude; and my poor mother herself could not have loved me better, or studied more how to make me happy.

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By this time, we were quite settled down in Buckingham Street, where Mr. Dick continued his copying in a state of absolute felicity. My aunt had obtained a signal victory over Mrs. Crupp, by paying her off, throwing the first pitcher she planted on the stairs out of window, and protecting in person, up and down the staircase, a supernumerary whom she engaged from the outer world. These vigorous measures struck such terror to the breast of Mrs. Crupp, that she subsided into her own kitchen, under the impression that my aunt was mad. My aunt being supremely indifferent to Mrs. Crupp’s opinion and everybody else’s, and rather favouring than discouraging the idea, Mrs. Crupp, of late the bold, became within a few days so faint-hearted, that rather than encounter my aunt upon the staircase, she would endeavour to hide her portly form behind doors – leaving visible, however, a wide margin of flannel petticoat – or would shrink into dark corners. This gave my aunt such unspeakable satisfaction, that I believe she took a delight in prowling up and down, with her bonnet insanely perched on the top of her head, at times when Mrs. Crupp was likely to be in the way.

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May 13th, 2015

This was not upon the whole very comforting to a rapturous lover; but I was glad to have my aunt in my confidence, and I was mindful of her being fatigued. So I thanked her ardently for this mark of her affection, and for all her other kindnesses towards me; and after a tender good night, she took her nightcap into my bedroom.

How miserable I was, when I lay down! How I thought and thought about my being poor, in Mr. Spenlow’s eyes; about my not being what steroids for sale I thought I was, when I proposed to Dora; about the chivalrous necessity of telling Dora what my worldly condition was, and releasing her from her engagement if she thought fit; about how I should contrive to live, during the long term of my articles, when I was earning nothing; about doing something to assist my aunt, and seeing no way of doing anything; about coming down to have no money in my pocket, and to wear a shabby coat, and to be able to carry Dora no little presents, and to ride no gallant greys, and to show myself in no agreeable light! Sordid and selfish as I knew it was, and as I tortured myself by knowing that it was, to let my mind run on my own distress so much, I was so devoted to Dora that I could not help it. I knew that it was base in me not to think more of my aunt, and less of myself; but, so far, selfishness was inseparable from Dora, and I could not put Dora on one side for any mortal creature. How exceedingly miserable I was, that night!

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May 5th, 2015

There was more that she might have said; more that she knew, or steroids for back pain that she suspected; I clearly saw. I could not give her pain by asking what it was, for I knew that she withheld it from me, to spare her father. It had long been going on to this, I was sensible: yes, I could not but feel, on the least reflection, that it had been going on to this for a long time. I remained silent.

‘At the time I speak of, as the time when papa spoke to me,’ pursued Agnes, ‘he had told papa that he was going away; that he was very sorry, and unwilling to leave, but that he had better prospects. Papa was very much depressed then, and more bowed down by care than ever you or I have seen him; but he seemed relieved by this expedient of the partnership, though at the same time he seemed hurt by it and ashamed of it.

‘I did, Trotwood,’ she replied, ‘what I hope was right. Feeling sure that it was necessary for papa’s peace that the sacrifice should be made, I entreated him to make it. I said it would lighten the load of his life – I hope it will! – and that it would give me increased opportunities of being his companion. Oh, Trotwood!’ cried Agnes, putting her hands before her face, as her tears started on it, ‘I almost feel as if I had been papa’s enemy, instead of his loving child. For I know how he has altered, in his devotion to me. I know how he has narrowed the circle of his sympathies and duties, in the concentration of his whole mind upon me. I know what a multitude of things he has shut out for my sake, and how his anxious thoughts of me have shadowed his life, and weakened his strength and energy, by turning them always upon one idea. If I could ever set this right! If I could ever work out his restoration, as I have so innocently been the cause of his decline!’

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April 30th, 2015

It was a wonderfully fine thing to have that lofty castle to myself, and to feel, when I shut my outer door, like Robinson Crusoe, when he had got into his fortification, and pulled his ladder up after him. It was a wonderfully fine thing to walk about town with the key of my house in my pocket, and to know that I could ask any fellow to come home, and make quite sure of its being inconvenient to nobody, if it were not so to me. It was a wonderfully fine thing to let myself in and out, and to come and go without a word to anyone, and to ring Mrs. Crupp up, gasping, from the depths of the earth, when I wanted her – and when she was disposed to come. All this, I say, was wonderfully fine; but I must say, too, that there were times when it was very dreary.

It was fine in the morning, particularly in the fine mornings. It looked a very fresh, free life, by daylight: still fresher, and more free, by sunlight. But as the day declined, the life seemed to go down too. I don’t know how it was; it seldom looked well by candle-light. I wanted somebody to talk to, then. I missed Agnes. I found a tremendous blank, in the place of that smiling repository of my confidence. Mrs. Crupp appeared to be a long way off. I thought about my predecessor, who had died of drink and smoke; and I could have wished he had been so good as to live, and not bother me with his decease.

After two days and nights, I felt as if I had lived there for a year, and yet I was not an hour older, but was quite as much tormented by my own youthfulness as ever.

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April 2nd, 2015

In den „Erinnerungen“ eines alten kroatischen Forstbeamten, die mir zur Einsichtnahme gegeben wurden, heißt es. „Herrlich anzusehen waren die militärisch herangezogenen Eichenjungwälder. Leider wurden sie ein Opfer jener aufrührerischen Bosniaken, die vor Beginn der Okkupation Bosniens nach Kroatien verbracht worden waren. Die aus ihrer Heimat abgeschobenen Bosniaken hatten ihre Ziegen mitgenommen, die in diese Eichenjungwälder getrieben wurden, als sich das junge Laub zeigte. Es war von den Behörden streng verboten, mit Beil oder Hacke diese Eichenjungwälder zu betreten. Den Eintrieb von gefräßigen Ziegen zu verbieten, hatte man — vergessen. Irgendeines Werkzeuges bedurfte der Bosniak kaufen anabolika nicht; er wußte sich gut zu helfen, indem er jeweils ein Eichenstämmchen so lange mit den Händen niedergebogen hielt, bis die Ziegen alles Laub abgefressen hatten. Dann ließ der Mann das Stämmchen in die Höhe schnellen. Und das nächste Eichenstämmchen wurde ebenso des Laubes beraubt. Ganze Jungbestände wurden auf diese Weise kahl gefressen! Das ärarische Forstpersonal war außerstande, diesen Waldfrevel zu verhindern. Wenn die Ziegen der Bosniaken sich in Bauernwaldungen ‚verirrten‘, machten die Kroaten keine Umstände: die Bosniaken wurden so fürchterlich verhauen, daß sie fürder Bauerngehölze respektierten und ihr Interesse wieder den ärarischen Waldungen widmeten.“

Alte Herren schmunzeln heute noch, wenn von den kroatischen Glanzkohlen aus der Grube Očura bei Lepoglava in den Varazdiner Bergen gesprochen wird; denn mit diesen Glanzkohlen war im Jahre 1875 ein glänzend gelungener Scherz verbunden, mit dem der Bergverwalter jener Kohlengrube köstlich „hineingelegt“ wurde, und wozu, drollig genug, der zeitlebens für Bergbau lebhaft interessierte König Leopold II. von Belgien seinen Namen leihen mußte.

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April 2nd, 2015

Tonidandel rieb sich in seiner curia nobilis sehr vergnügt die Hände. Den armen Prota als Opfer hoffte er später entschädigen zu können. Dem Regimentschef aber gönnte Attilius den unausbleiblichen Ärger von ganzem Herzen. Behaglich speiste der Kommandant zu Mittag, schlief auch noch ein Stündchen. Dann aber erteilte er Befehl, daß morgen ab acht Uhr früh ein berittenes Pikett marschbereit zu sein habe, und zwar zu seiner Begleitung auf dem Ritt nach Karlstadt. Denn Attilius ahnte etwas….

Punkt acht Uhr ritt der Kommandant wohlbewaffnet mit Sattelpistolen und mit dem Regimentsbefehl betreffend Ablieferung des alten Pfaffen im Waffenrocke, begleitet von sechs berittenen Graničaren nach Karlstadt ab. Gemächlich und trotz des Karstnebels recht vergnügt. Zeitweilig im Trabe, meist aber im Schritt! Nur nichts überhudeln!

Noch vor Tagesbeginn bei dichtestem Karstnebel traf auf dampfendem Pferde ein Meldereiter in S. ein, der dem Kompagniechef einen Befehl überbringen sollte. Tonidandels Diener ließ aber auftragsgemäß den erwarteten Meldereiter nicht vor und verwies ihn in den Stall mit dem Bedeuten, daß der Befehl erst um acht Uhr überreicht werden dürfe.

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March 31st, 2015

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Murdstone and Grinby’s trade was among a good many kinds of people, but an important branch of it was the supply of wines and spirits to certain packet ships. I forget now where they chiefly went, but I think there were some among them that made voyages both to the East and West Indies. I know that a great many empty bottles were one of the consequences of this traffic, and that certain men and boys were employed to examine them against the light, and reject those that were flawed, and to rinse and wash them. When the empty bottles ran short, there were labels to be pasted on full ones, or corks to be fitted to them, or seals to be put upon the corks, or finished bottles to be packed in casks. All this work was my work, and of the boys employed upon it I was one.

There were three or four of us, counting me. My working place was established in a corner of the warehouse, where Mr. Quinion could see me, when he chose to stand up on the bottom rail of his stool in the counting-house, and look at me through a window above the desk. Hither, on the first morning of my so auspiciously beginning life on my own account, the oldest of the regular boys was summoned to show me my business. His name was Mick Walker, and he wore a ragged apron and a paper cap. He informed me that his father was a bargeman, and walked, in a black velvet head-dress, in the Lord Mayor’s Show. He also informed me that our principal associate would be another boy whom he introduced by the – to me – extraordinary name of Mealy Potatoes. I discovered, however, that this youth had not been christened by that name, but that it had been bestowed upon him in the warehouse, on account of his complexion, which was pale or mealy. Mealy’s father was a waterman, who had the additional distinction of being a fireman, and was engaged as such at one of the large theatres; where some young relation of Mealy’s – I think his little sister – did Imps in the Pantomimes.

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March 30th, 2015

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When Mr. and Miss Murdstone were at home, I took my meals with them; in their absence, I ate and drank by myself. At all times I lounged about the house and neighbourhood quite disregarded, except that they were jealous of my making any friends: thinking, perhaps, that if I did, I might complain to someone. For this reason, though Mr. Chillip often asked me to go and see him (he was a widower, having, some years before that, lost a little small light-haired wife, whom I can just remember connecting in my own thoughts with a pale tortoise-shell cat), it was but seldom that I enjoyed the happiness of passing an afternoon in his closet of a surgery; reading some book that was new to me, with the smell of the whole Pharmacopoeia coming up my nose, or pounding something in a mortar under his mild directions.

For the same reason, added no doubt to the old dislike of her, I was seldom allowed to visit Peggotty. Faithful to her promise, she either came to see me, or met me somewhere near, once every week, and never empty-handed; but many and bitter were the disappointments I had, in being refused permission to pay a visit to her at her house. Some few times, however, at long intervals, I was allowed to go there; and then I found out that Mr. Barkis was something of a miser, or as Peggotty dutifully expressed it, was ‘a little near’, and kept a heap of money in a box under his bed, which he pretended was only full of coats and trousers. In this coffer, his riches hid themselves with such a tenacious modesty, that the smallest instalments could only be tempted out by artifice; so that Peggotty had to prepare a long and elaborate scheme, a very Gunpowder Plot, for every Saturday’s expenses.